ONE "NAUGHTY CHAIR" TO GO PLEASE!

Yesterday, I went to a luncheon that featured the "Mary Poppins of Must See TV" Jo Frost, ABC's Supernanny, who thinks she knows why kids these days are cussin', fussin' and generally runnin' amok.

For those that do not know, Jo Frost is the London nanny who introduced her "naughty zones" into the sitting rooms of families on both sides of the Atlantic, has kicked the issues of parenting onto an international agenda. Supernanny reminds us of how inadequate we are with our children, how we do not interact properly and how much we love a British woman telling us what to do.

I think her concepts are genuine, sincere common sense methods but her delivery lacks a lot to be desired. A chosen few had some private time with Miss Frost and the topic turned to Britney Spears. When I suggested mental health disease was a serious issue, Supernanny rolled her eyes as if Britney was possessing all her antics for attention and suggested she could "stop if she wanted." She also claimed the UK had much higher standards of child rearing than Americans ever will. I figured before we started getting too heated on this debate the weather was a safe topic. I told her she chose one of the most beautiful days all year to come to Texas. She was quick to inform she did not care for Texas since out of the 39 states she has visited that we were the last supporters of "the strap" -- or in other words, all Texans sit around and beat our children. She spoke of this with great authority and same attitude as if we had just suggested NASCAR should be considered an Olympic event. Maybe it is just me, but there was just something very condescending about a never married, childless, stuffy finger wagging British chick mocking America and the South that irritates the hell out of me.

I won't even explore the obvious no-no's that she ended about every other sentence in a preposition and brushed her hair at the table where she was dining. Yes, that was NOT a typo, you read it correctly. The look on some of the 800 faces in the room was total aghast fear and pity. Supernanny may as well have claimed she was applying to be a Kappa while walking in her white shoes and chewing gum with a lit cigarette. It was all white noise after I saw the hairbrush come out at the luncheon table.

Since I am chairing next year's luncheon, I know what was spent on her fee and I think she was insightful but nowhere near worth the five figures she was paid. Anyone in the room that was on the fence about Miss Frost formed an opinion after she started to explain discipline and boundaries were the most important things we could provide our little ones. This is solid, common sense advice....but then she had to follow it up (insert haughty tone from Across the Pond) with a rough statement of "I am losing my train of thought giving advice to women who are drinking champagne/wine at a luncheon about self discipline" At that point Mr. Oreck himself could not have sucked the wind out of the room any faster.

I admit I could not stand it any longer and during the Q & A I was the last up to bat at the microphone and I asked her about the generalized comment she had made earlier concerning "Texans using straps", which she immediately tried to skirt since she was still stinging from the "Moms imbibing" slur and was still in a "get out from under the Double Decker I fell under" state. At that point, when she uttered her next dangling participle she was "DOA"