MORE THAN MOST WANT TO KNOW...

I had my first colonoscopy today. They didn't find anything, except a piece of fruitcake my Aunt Sissy from Mississippi made me eat in 1978. But I figured if Katie Couric can show her colon on national TV to encourage people to get checked, then I can talk about mine.

In colonoscopy, they take a peep up your backside. Your are narcotized into an odd and enjoyable state of deep slumber.

If they find polyps, they'll biopsy them on the spot and make you wait at home for 7-10 days to find out if you have colon cancer. You probably don't. The biopsies can cause a little bleeding, apparently. (I was polyp free.) My Doctor wanted to make sure I was in good shape from all the excessive IV antibiotics I have been on these past few months from the staph

The difficult part of the procedure is the prep. They gave me a mid afternoon appointment and it left me a bit cranky. So, I stopped eating on Thursday. Since Wednesday evening, I could only have clear liquids, jello, etc. Yesterday afternoon, I started with magnesium citrate and then followed up by drinking a gallon of Gulf of Mexico water enhanced with CountryTime Lemonade. It tastes like lemony sweat. You drink a glass every ten minutes until half of the jug is gone and then you finish off the remaining the day of the procedure.  Not a lot of fun. But it does flush you clean. This is not the easiest "weigh" to lose eight pounds, I can assure you.

By midnight of the night before, you stop drinking even water. So, by the time you show up for the procedure, you haven't eaten in 36 hours.

The prep in the hospital is much like what happens before you go in for surgery: You sign a form allowing doctors to do whatever they want to you, including use you for BB gun practice. You get an IV inserted, chat with the exceptionally pleasant staff at the Scurlock Towers. They get to practice their really bad jokes they have used on everyone prior to you (They ought to just print them up and save us the trouble.) The whole process really isn't that bad. In fact, the anesthetic is sort of fun.

One the way to the procedure room I passed an old family friend "JB" in the tented cubicle next to mine. I was stunned and said "JB is that you?" (He made me swear I would not reveal his identity - he got a clean report as well) I think we were both surprised to see one another. Within the hour we were both in recovery catching up and according to my husband "we were both still on drugs, since we were repeating our stories"

So, if your doctor recommends a colonoscopy, and if your health plan pays for one, do it. Except for the fasting, it's not a big deal. And it sure beats colon cancer.