Could I be "Love Child" of Howard Hughes???

Where phobias are concerned, being a germaphobe is probably not that bad. In fact, I don’t think it’s a real phobia at all. I mean, it’s not even on the list of known phobias. (Hear that Leigh?) About as close as “germaphobia” gets on the list is “Germanophobia”. Now, I am Polish-German, so I am confidant I am not a Germanophob. I know a lot of people from  from German ancestry and I don’t feel the need to use Germ-x when I meet them, maybe I need to use German-x when I go to family reunions, since my German side resides in Mississippi. (Kidding) There is a “bacteriophobia” listed, however, perhaps Germaphobia is just not as respected as other phobias such as: Bogyphobia - Fear of the bogeyman (or is it the Boogeyman!); Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness - (I obviously didn’t have this while I was dating in High School!); Coprastasophobia - Fear of constipation (don’t come over my house for sunday dinner!); Dentophobia - Fear of dentists (no, I’m not a dentite....I love Dr Coleman and have been his patient 18 years); Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers (I suffered from this a few years ago but I have since overcome it now that my bonus children are married); and finally Hippotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - yes, it’s the fear of long words, kinda ironic ain’t it.


In fact, I don’t think I have a phobia at all. I just recognize the fact that most people are too lazy to wash their hands after using the bathroom or sneezing into their hands. It’s not that I’m trying to get less sick it’s more that I don’t want your germs. Unlike Howie Mandel who can’t shake hands at all, I’m ok with shaking hands, as long as I have a bottle of Germ-x or Purell nearby. I like to take certain precautions to make sure your germs and my germs don’t meet. Your germs are like the Shi-ites to my Sunnis; the Palestines to my Jews … I think you get the point.  Trust me, once you have had Meningitis (more than once) and spinal taps (too many times to count) and suffered from staph (along with a PICC line) this germ epidemic totally gets your attention.

Here are my top precautions I like to take:

1) Public Pens. According to the journal of something I read a while ago, this is the top reason that influenza is passed from one person to the next. The answer … use my own pen when signing credit card receipts when eating out or shopping. Or you can resort to using these new antibacterial pens.

2) Gas Stations.  Do not use them but if I have too here are a few things I do here. The first is I never use my own hands to push the buttons at the pump. I always use my car keys. Also, while I do use my own hands to squeeze the pump, I use my mobile Purell dispenser to quickly eradicate the unsanitary bacteria. The journal reference above also noted that germs tend to live longer on metal, so important to Purell/Germ-x quickly here!

3) Hotel Rooms. Coming from someone who travels frequently, this is hot spot. The key here is to never leave home without your antibacterial wipes. In fact, I have been known to break them out before I enter the room. These are the areas I wipe before I touch: door knobs, TV remote, bathroom (the whole thing!). What about the telephone you say??! I try not to use it all! If I have to … then I use a hand towel to pick it up, but never touch the ear.  I have also discovered the Ultra Violet Laser wand that can pass over items such as toilet seats, sheets, etc and kills all germs with a zap.  LOVE IT!

4) Public Sneezing. Ok, I admit, this may get a little weird. People who fail to cover their mouth when they sneeze absolutely piss me off. I despise the sight of germ spray going everywhere with out concern of anyone else around you. I have been know to walk around an the exact opposite of a store when I see this happen. My family thinks I’m crazy. Just as bad are those that sneeze into their hands and just wipe their clothing or (worse yet) don’t wipe but touch the handle bars of the grocery cart, yeah, that’s a germ haven! Use the right method people! Sneeze into your sleeve or pull your shirt over your nose. Use common sense! 

Look, I am not crazy and I know that some of these new products are like new age snake oil. And yes, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I have heard that using antibacterial products can create new problems for the  “super-bacteria”. Perhaps it’s mostly psychological, using these products may do nothing at all. Washing your hands with soap and water is said to be the best way to combat these germs. But in the end, knowing that I am rubbing my 62% Ethyl Alcohol lotion on my hands makes me feel much better!!  That along with the dual antibiotics I take daily.  Along with a cup of Clorox to your bath water.

I feel cleaner already!  I know my family is safer too!