I am starting to feel like my "old self" again.....

Anyone that really knows me KNOWS I love to give "good letter" I do not decide thoughtlessly when I choose whom is most valuable of my time. I have been a "fan of the pen" for years and I find it quite cathartic.



I recall writing one of my first letters in high school to "legal eagle" Joe Jamail after he won the Pennzoil case. The Houston Post interviewed him and he was giving a diatribe of how Samson whipped Goliath. Well, as he had his feet perched upon his hand carved desk there was a hole in the sole of his shoe. This was worthy of a letter.


Many letters has passed over twenty years. My first one post marriage was a rather poignant one to the National Trust that owns Cliveden Estate. I carbon copied the entire Board and the Chairman of the Express Newspapers. I will not bore you with details, but they had it coming.







This brings me to my latest letter snapped off from my blackberry at 35,000 feet yesterday. I was flying back from my surgery and post-recovery in Orange County, California. After we went airborne I could hear little babies muffled screams and wails. I was concerned; I asked the man next to me in #2B "Do you hear that?" His reply was "I am trying not too" Well, I excused myself to go to the restroom and the flight attendant informed me "This woman just went in with her newborn, that is what all the commotion is. She could be a while." From this moment I glanced at my watch and noted the time. Bless this poor young Mother, 28 minutes later she emerged looking like she had just had an audition for Survivor. She was red-faced, disheveled, her 5 month old son was hysterical. I swear at times it sounded as she was attempting to flush him down he was so upset. When she emerged I could not help but touch her on the arm and said "if I had any idea you needed help I would have stepped up but you were already inside by the time I heard your baby" She apologized to me and said "I am so sorry you had to wait, but there is no changing table in first class" I have mentioned this on two occasions I had to my friend that is high up at Continental. It is a long flight back and forth from London when dodging for a bathroom with a little one. Naturally, when I saw the frustration in this sweet Mothers eyes that is all I needed to hear before I got my "Ralph Nader-Nancy Drew-Lois Lane cape" on and fired off a letter to the Chairman of Continental.



Tuesday, May 20, 2008





Attention: Chairman, Continental Airlines





Dear Mr. Kellner:



I would call you "Larry" since we have met numerous times socially but since this is a complaint letter of sorts I will stick with formalities.





My husband, John and I are platinum status of your airline. My daughter, Sinclair is a mere 21 months old and has already taken 18 international flights, not considering the many domestics. The thing I find most irritating usually begins after your "warm and fuzzy speech" about being the airline with the "youngest fleet" and the "state of the art aircraft", this is all "white noise" considering you do not properly accommodate parents traveling with small children. I agree, service is usually top notch but when I fly, always first class and I usually have my daughter with me. I am not able to change her in a first class bathroom since there is no changing table. Which means I have to trek all the way to the back of the plane and hope there are not five people in front of me and usually by this time we are both most uncomfortable. I am quite confidant you have never had to hold a baby while pulling your pants down to go to the bathroom and bob them on your hip while washing your hands - then tending to a crying infant that is dangling mid air? Yeah, didn't think so.





Why in the hell would I want free booze, free head phones when I have to deal with the agony of no proper bathroom accommodations? Although my daughter is yet to turn two, we even buy out the seat next to us for extra room and stuffed animals. Keep in mind she stays in my lap. Could you please apply the dozens of seats I bought and never used to the "Kidcare FIRST CLASS Potty Fund?". Honestly, I can even Chair a Ball and raise the funds myself.





My husband and I are also loyal clients of Netjets and have been for some time. We have special request such as his Johnny Walker Blue, my Dr Pepper and a changing table. They always come through. Nevertheless, I'm confidant Warren Buffet, as well you know, the primary owner of NetJet's, has never had to potty while holding a newborn either.





Alas, I am traveling solo today from Orange County I just watched a desperate teary eyed woman with a 5 month old emerge after 28 minutes (I timed her since I have felt her pain on more than one occasion). That left four others waiting for the restroom. This poor woman was so upset and the baby is now hysterical and is entertaining most of First Class. I personally love the sound of one of God's little miracles but the gentleman next to me switching heading to an International flight at IAH and going on to Argentina looks a little pinched and is one his third scotch.





I just think you should consider changing tables for First Class in your next budget meeting. I feel very strongly about this. Keep in mind, I am always available for presentations to your Board as well. Please note, I have copied my other friends in various departments of your company so this makes no error reaching you. Of course, by the time you get it they may not admit to knowing me, but I have photos to prove it.



Kindest regards, Kristi


In less than one hour from the moment my plane touched down, in fact I was still in route to my home. I received a phone call on my cell phone from a number I did not recognize. This was the head of marketing that informed me that my letter did in fact reach the Chairman and it left him upset. When I heard this, I was so impressed he "felt my pain" until I heard that he considered it one of the "meaner letters they had ever received" I was stunned. I asked him if he was kidding. He informed me he was not.



I laughed and explained "if that is truly the meanest letter you have ever received your company is doing better than the analysts are saying and if you think that is 'nasty' you need to watch more late night cable"



Then came the stunner ...."Larry Kellner only flies COACH CLASS so he probably does not understand about what goes on in First Class, especially the bathrooms"


I immediately thought I wonder if Herb Kelleher, Chairman of Southwest Airlines had this tidbit of information. Mental note to self: email Herb!




After regaining my composure to keep from laughing hysterically in the phone I offered this bit of advice "if Larry Kellner is Chairman of the largest airline in the U.S. and he flies coach, he needs to get a better lawyer writing his employment agreements."




I felt so sorry that the Chairman is forced to fly coach in the wake of high gas prices that I felt his public that complains of exorbitant airline prices needs to know the sacrifices Mr. Kellner makes. I am sure with their stock plummeting from $40 to $16 that their Investor Relations department is so busy with Wallstreet they truly do not have the time to inform the General Public of the sacrifices this Chairman makes. So I let my friends at Business Week, Forbes, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Financial Times, London Express, Houston Chronicle, Dallas Morning News and Fox News know that this CEO wast truly "taking one for the team by flying Coach" and this explains clearly why is has NO CLUE what happens in First Class.




In turn, I copied Warren Buffett and the President of NetJets, Jim Christiansen and thanked them for my changing table. FYI: I received an email back from the head of NetJets thanking me for being such a valued customer. I was not promised extra hours but I was guaranteed my changing table and my Dr. Pepper. That is all I truly need.